#33 Detroit Lions: Brian Cushing, OLB, USC
The Lions need help everywhere, especially on defense. Why not add a stud linebacker to the stop unit? After all, a guy named Paris currently starts there. I guess Millen was too busy blackmailing William Clay Ford to notice all my Paris jokes last year. Not that there’s anything wrong with being from Paris.
#34 Kansas City Chiefs: Alex Mack, C, California
More than half of Kansas City’s roster needs to be upgraded. You can include the center position, currently occupied by Rudy Niswanger.
#35 St. Louis Rams: Patrick Chung, SS, Oregon
Corey Chavous was just benched… in favor of Todd Johnson. Ouch. Chavous will never live that day down for the rest of his life. As you can clearly see, the Rams need tons of help at the strong safety position.
#36 Cincinnati Bengals: Connor Barwin, DE, Cincinnati
The Giants have shown us that it’s all about getting pressure on the quarterback. The Bengals haven’t really tried their hardest all year, but the fact remains that they have a grand total of 16 sacks through 15 games. They’re the only team not to sack Ben Roethlisberger this year – and they’ve played him twice!
The Bengals signed defensive end Antwan Odom to a $25 million deal this offseason, but he can’t even get on to the field. In 11 games, Odom has 23 tackles and two sacks. Guess all of his production in Tennessee was the result of the opposition focusing on Albert Haynesworth and Kyle Vanden Bosch.
Pick change; previously George Selvie, DE
#37 Oakland Raiders: Darrius Heyward-Bey, WR, Maryland
JaMarcus Russell desperately needs some talent at receiver to work with. So, let’s use the Al Davis method of scouting to find a wideout for Oakland.
Shall we look at game film? No way! There are virgins who need to be sacrificed! Shall we check out how the receivers run their routes? Should we interview them to make sure they have high character? What are you, crazy?
No, let’s just look at the 40 times because 40 times are so important. Oh, wow! This Darrius Heyward-Bey character runs a low 4.3, and he’s big too! He’s going to be the greatest receiver of all time! Let’s draft him, and toast our selection with a glass of goat blood!
Pick change; previously Louis Murphy, WR
#38 Cleveland Browns: Clint Sintim, DE/OLB, Virginia
I don’t get it – does Romeo Crennel simply not believe in rushing the passer, or did he accidentally devour most of his defensive playbook? Cleveland’s defensive game plan didn’t really make sense, but you can also blame the poor personnel. The Browns have 17 sacks this season.
Pick change; previously Connor Barwin, DE/OLB
#39 Seattle Seahawks: Rashad Johnson, FS, Alabama
Seattle needs tons of help in its secondary, as the team is ranked 28th versus the pass. Brian Russell’s play has been so poor that the mayor of Seattle should consider banishing him from the city. Actually, he should probably try to get him deported while he’s at it.
#40 Jacksonville Jaguars: Sen’Derrick Marks, DT, Auburn
Remember the days when Jaguars were stout against the run? What happened? Marcus Stroud is really missed, and Jacksonville desperately needs an upgrade at defensive tackle.
#41 Green Bay Packers: Mike Mickens, CB, Cincinnati
Best Player Available again for the Packers. Cornerback depth is a must in the wake of Green Bay’s recent struggles versus the pass.
Green Bay also needs a starter for the future. You saw what happened against the Saints, Panthers, Texans and Jaguars.
#42 San Francisco 49ers: B.J. Raji, NT, Boston College
The 49ers really need to address both the offensive and defensive lines this offseason. Aubrayo Franklin has been an epic failure this year, so B.J. Raji probably offers an instant upgrade at nose tackle.
#43 New England Patriots: Emanuel Cook, SS, South Carolina
A successor for Rodney Harrison and more help for a suddenly extremely thin secondary.
#44 Houston Texans: Matt Shaughnessy, DE, Wisconsin
Basically the Best Player Available formula for a team really hurting for defense.
Houston’s pass rush is really pathetic. Take away Mario Williams’ 11 sacks, and the team still has only 12 on the year. Twelve sacks in 15 games!
The Texans need to make things right after failing with Rosevelt Colvin this offseason.
#45 Buffalo Bills: Max Unger, C, Oregon
The center position is a huge liability and needs to be upgraded if Buffalo wants to improve its interior blocking. Max Unger can also play guard, which is another position of weakness the Bills have.
#46 New York Giants: Kenny Britt, WR, Rutgers
Well, at least that stupid brown dog didn’t laugh at Plaxico Burress when he shot himself in the foot… It’s clear that the Giants really miss Burress’ massive presence. At 6-4, 215, Kenny Britt is the closest thing to Burress available to the Giants at this juncture.
#47 Denver Broncos: Evander Hood, DT, Missouri
The Broncos have been terrible against the run all year, ranking 30th against the rush and limiting opponents to five yards per carry. Lack of talent at defensive tackle is still a major problem.
#48 Arizona Cardinals: Sam Young, OT, Notre Dame
A bookend tackle for Levi Brown. Arizona running backs are gaining just 3.3 yards per carry this year, which is an improvement over the 3.2 average last year. The offensive line needs a boost.
#49 Miami Dolphins: Louis Delmas, FS, Western Michigan
Back-to-back picks spent on defensive backs? That’s not something Dolphin fans may enjoy, but the team needs all the help in the secondary it can get. Miami ranks 20th against the pass.
Pick change; previously Alphonso Smith, CB
#50 Philadelphia Eagles: Herman Johnson, G, LSU
Another upgrade for Philadelphia’s pedestrian offensive line. If Shawn Andrews doesn’t make it back from his mental illness, the Eagles will need a new right guard. And if he does, Herman Johnson will play at left guard, allowing Todd Herremans to move outside.
#51 Chicago Bears: Phil Loadholt, OT, Oklahoma
I know the Bears just drafted Chris Williams in the first round last year, but they need a bookend tackle. John Tait turns 34 soon. The fact that Chicago brought back Fred Miller shows how desperate they are for some talent at this position.
#52 Tampa Bay Buccaneers: C.J. Spiller, RB, Clemson
Warrick Dunn is a nice story, but he turns 34 in January. It would be unrealistic to expect a repeat performance in 2009. C.J. Spiller is pretty good value here.
#53 Dallas Cowboys: Alphonso Smith, CB, Wake Forest
Even with Pacman Jones out, the Cowboys are playing great defense right now. I still say they need some help at cornerback, especially considering that starters Terence Newman and Anthony Henry will be 31 and 33, respectively, next year.
Pick change; previously Mark Parson, CB
#54 Minnesota Vikings: Russell Okung, OT, Oklahoma State
I scratched my head when the Vikings neglected to fix the right tackle position last offseason. Ryan Cook and Marcus Johnson once again have proven to be a pair of turnstiles with legs. Artis Hicks is now playing at right tackle, and he’s not the answer either.
Adding someone of Russell Okung’s caliber would allow the Vikings to move Bryant McKinnie around, potentially giving them two elite tackles.
Pick change; previously Victor Harris, CB
#55 New York Jets: Juaquin Iglesias, WR, Oklahoma
With Brett Favre coming to town, Laveranues Coles and/or Jerricho Cotchery were expected to step up. That hasn’t exactly happened, and it’s become apparent that the Jets need a No. 1 receiver, especially with Coles, 31 (on Dec. 29), set to hit free agency after the 2009 season.
Pick change; previously Russell Okung, OT (GB)
#56 Miami Dolphins: Ron Brace, NT, Boston College
Jason Ferguson just turned 34, and his contract expires after the 2009 season. The Dolphins will need to acquire a new nose tackle in the near future.
Pick change; previously Kam Chancellor, S
#57 Atlanta Falcons: Jared Cook, TE, South Carolina
Could you imagine how lethal Atlanta’s offense would be if the team somehow acquired a dynamic tight end? Matt Ryan would be unstoppable.
#58 Baltimore Ravens: Tyson Jackson, DE, LSU
There’s a chance Tyson Jackson gets picked in the first round, so getting him here would be a steal. He’d be a nice fit right next to Haloti Ngata on Baltimore’s three-man front.
#59 New England Patriots: Brandon Graham, DE/OLB, Michigan
The Patriots need to keep upgrading their back seven; their linebacking corps and secondary are so slow, it’s pretty disturbing to watch. Depth is really an issue now as well; New England is so desperate that it just signed Rosevelt Colvin and Junior Seau. Who’s next, Ted Johnson?
#60 Indianapolis Colts: Louis Murphy, WR, Florida
It’s clear that Marvin Harrison has lost a step, so the Colts could be looking for a new receiver to start across from Reggie Wayne, with Anthony Gonzalez remaining in the slot.
Pick change; previously Juaquin Iglesias, WR
#61 Pittsburgh Steelers: Jonathan Luigs, C, Arkansas
The Steelers made the mistake of not upgrading their offensive front last year. If they care about Ben Roethlisberger’s health, they’ll find better blockers for him. Jonathan Luigs could be next in the line of great centers who have played in Pittsburgh.
#62 Carolina Panthers: Dorell Scott, DT, Clemson
It looks like the Panthers felt as though they missed the boat on the defensive tackle position, as they signed a bunch of scrubs immediately following the 2008 NFL Draft. They still need someone to fill Kris Jenkins’ shoes, and they seriously have no depth at the position. Cornerback is also an option.
#63 New York Giants: Javon Ringer, RB, Michigan State
Giants fans have to be loving this Earth, Wind and Fire thing, but the reality is that Derrick Ward will likely sign with another team this offseason. Javon Ringer, a steal here, should be able to replace Ward as the team’s pass-catching running back.
#64 Tennessee Titans: Tyrone McKenzie, OLB, South Florida
Keith Bulluck, who turns 32 next April, will hit free agency after the 2009 season. I don’t see the Titans giving Bulluck a huge contract with his age being a factor.